Depression…I cannot not relate on a personal level because even bipolar depression is so very different. I have been educating my self on depression and didn’t realize it is recognized as a disease more than a disorder. There are also so many different types.
The reason I started researching depression is because my other half suffers from it. Since we have been together I have seen him swing in and out and then take a deep dive and resurface slightly and now is sliding down the slope.
Having my own disorders I can understand what he is going thru to an extent. At least I can relate on some level. Seeing him go thru this is very hard because I can feel his pain, anxiety, stress, sadness, and anger whether he expresses it to me or not. I can’t even imagine how intense all this is first hand. I want to help but there is not much I can do besides be there, listen, and encourage treatment. He has to do the brunt of the work himself.
I have to keep telling myself that it’s the disorder not him when he does or says something that doesn’t fit the person I know and love. When I feel pushed away and forgotten it is sometimes hard to do and then my emotions get heightened and I feel I make things worse for him. I know he isn’t doing these things on purpose and honestly I don’t even know if he realizes he is doing them. I love him so much and I know it’s hard for him to show affection and verbally express his feelings but it’s hard all the same. Then the days he is doing a little better and says all the right things, makes such sweet gestures, and is very affectionate it is hard to not get frustrated when it flips. I miss him so much and just want him to feel better and be able to enjoy life.
He is such an amazing man and he doesn’t even know it! He was able to spark feelings in me that I never thought I could experience with being bipolar. Being with him makes me feel alive.
I know he thinks he disappoints and hurts me. It can happen but I know it’s not his fault. I wish I didn’t react so emotionally when this happens but it’s hard to flip the switch for me. When I feel something it is to the extreme, no middle ground.
I hope he knows how much I love him and care about him and proud he is working at feeling better. The road is not easy, I know from experience. I will not give up on him and I will always be here for support and comfort.
This is another journey in life and one I am on board 100%. I am actually stable and can stick by without my own disorder getting set off.
He is my world!
Life with Bipolar Disorder 