Whirl Wind

Obviously I have always had bipolar disorder. I was only diagnosed a few years ago. I have found surrounding myself with the right people is key. For me any unnecessary added stress leads to my rapid cycling and sometimes to full blown mania. I have had many life struggles like many and have been working extremely hard at getting my life back on track from the results of those unfortunate events.

However keeping people in my life who support me and never judge even at my worst seems to be the best medicine. I get lost in helping others because I find it easier getting them on the right track verse myself. By doing this I have lost myself and am no further a head than I was a few years ago. Allowing others to influence who you are and care more about if they are ok has been my recipe for disaster. A good friend gave me advice today…do yourself and everything else will fall into place the way it should.

I never really knew what made me happy but I am starting to realize it. I have been cycling on and off for the last couple of months mostly because I have been taking on other people’s problems and stresses to avoid my own. I now know I can’t do that anymore otherwise I am going to lose out on my own life and happiness.

I am going to try and not constantly push my feelings aside to ensure others are ok. I am not ok and I need to change that.

People tend to be nervous of my disorder and shy away. I never keep it hidden because I want people to know why I may not be myself and struggling with simple everyday tasks. It isn’t easy for me to share this with others but I feel it explains so much. Those who love and care for me will always be there to help. My disorder scares me sometimes and I can’t turn the other way. I have to live each day with the unexpected. However, bipolar is a part of me and unfortunately I can’t change that.

I am still a very loving, nurturing, compassionate, honest, open minded, loyal, person who loves life and wants to experience as much as I can. Life is always a journey and I think it’s time I go on mine instead of being more concerned with others.